{"id":1947,"date":"2016-03-13T05:56:55","date_gmt":"2016-03-13T05:56:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/nextstopadventure.com\/?p=1947"},"modified":"2017-11-18T01:46:08","modified_gmt":"2017-11-18T01:46:08","slug":"getting-married-means","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nextstopadventure.com\/index.php\/2016\/03\/13\/getting-married-means\/","title":{"rendered":"What Getting Married Means to Me [Wedding]"},"content":{"rendered":"

As I am only three weeks away from getting married, I am reflecting on what marriage really means to me.<\/p>\n

When I first announced that I was getting married to my friends and family, they were a mixed of shocked and excited. Obviously, they were excited because I have found someone that I want to spend my life with, and that\u2019s super exciting! But they were shocked because Brighton and I had only been dating for about a year before we got engaged<\/a>. Some friends suggested that we wait before we took the plunge. Their point of view was: if you found the right person, why rush it? There\u2019s no harm waiting.<\/p>\n

By the same token, my opinion was the complete opposite: if I found the right person, why would<\/i> I wait?! I want to make it official!<\/p>\n

Cohabitation vs. Marriage<\/h2>\n

For many people my age, cohabitation and marriage are viewed as the same idea. I could see their point of view, and in a way I agree that in some ways you are sharing a space and a life together.<\/p>\n

But the other part of me disagrees. Sure, you can live together, and why change a good thing if you\u2019re happy with your relationship. But for me, I want to publicly announce that I am part of a unit with my husband.\u00a0I want to announce it to everyone: my family, my friends, his family, his\u00a0friends, the government, our workplaces, the IRS, social media, my\u00a0blog, and pretty much everywhere else I forgot in this list!<\/p>\n

Marriage symbolizes many different things that cohabitation just doesn\u2019t include. It means hard work to keep the relationship strong. It means you just can\u2019t call it quits anytime, because you\u2019re legally bound. This may sound negative, but I think it\u2019s actually a positive. While more than 50% of all marriages nowadays end in divorce, I want to beat that statistic!<\/p>\n

\"10365611_10155545757960072_1433723797300239174_o\"<\/p>\n

Why not elope?<\/h2>\n

Brighton and I aren\u2019t particularly religious, but it was important to us to have a wedding. I know that many people fantasize about the wedding<\/em>, but don\u2019t consider the marriage itself. I am not one of those people. Yes, I love planning beautiful events, and I love having epic\u00a0photos and a great time. But in the end, for me, our\u00a0wedding is about the celebration of our marriage<\/i>, and not the big white dress, the party, or the even the photos. It\u2019s about having all of our loved ones come together to support our marriage, and witness our vows\u00a0to each other.<\/p>\n

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We discussed eloping when we first got engaged. The idea of spending any amount of money on a wedding is a little daunting. We love traveling, and with what we are spending on the wedding, we could have a pretty awesome trip. But we didn\u2019t want to regret not having a real ceremony, with our support system there to celebrate with us. I wanted to be able to look back and not regret not having a wedding. This is a really big life event, and I didn\u2019t want to just half-ass it with regrets later. So, with that being said, we are doing the whole shebang!\u00a0White dress, big party, bridesmaids and groomsmen, as many friends and family we could get to Florida on our date<\/a>\u2014 Everything!. And it\u2019s going to be great. Why? Because I get to make a promise to my best friend to be his partner for life<\/i>. And that\u2019s really exciting!<\/p>\n

Am I Too Young?<\/h2>\n

Right now I live in a state\u00a0where almost everyone gets married young. It’s pretty much expected that you are married by 21. In fact, the place where women get married the youngest is Utah. I am still pretty young in relative terms, but I have graduated college, moved away from home, and joined the workforce.\u00a0I feel like I have made personal strides where I can feel confident as an individual.<\/p>\n

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On the other end of the spectrum, in Florida\u00a0where I grew up, it’s becoming more and more common that people don’t get married until their late 20s-early 30s and beyond! More people are putting focus on their careers before getting married and starting a family. I’m not ready to start a family yet, but I don’t see why you can’t be married and<\/em> focus on your career, whatever that may be. In my immediate friend group, I am the first to be getting married. I have some friends who are in long-term relationships, but I feel like the first of my best friends to get married. It does feel a little weird when I look at it like that, but it still feels right. I’m a strong believer in following your gut feelings, and that’s what I’m going to do.<\/p>\n

Three Entities: Hilary, Brighton, and Hilary & Brighton.<\/h2>\n

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I think that many people end up getting married before they are able to identify themselves as an individual and what happens sometimes is that they lose themselves in the \u201cwe\u201d before there\u2019s a \u201cyou\u201d and \u201cme.\u201d If both parties in the relationship have a firm sense of identity before the marriage, then there\u2019s a strong possibility for success. Brighton knew who he was in his career, hobbies, and goals before he met me. While I had not been in the workforce very long before we were engaged, I\u2019ve had a pretty strong sense of direction for my career and sense of self since I was in high school. I feel strong as an individual.<\/p>\n

A coworker gave us some great marriage advice recently. He said, \u201cMake sure you both have time for yourselves, and don\u2019t lose what makes you happy individually.\u201d He mentioned that in his marriage, their relationship as a unit suffered because both individuals, him and his wife, didn\u2019t have a sense of self and individual hobbies as individuals.<\/p>\n

Brighton and I are very different. We have opposite end of the spectrum interests and goals. I like to hike, be outdoors, and be very active. Brighton likes to play video games, learn programming, and relax. But together, we make a great team! I am the one that can\u2019t sit still or stay in one place too long that craves adventure, and he\u2019s the one that will calm me down and make me be more rational and logical about my dreams. He is the calm and collected driver, and I am the navigator, co-pilot, and DJ.<\/p>\n

The Goal is Interdependence<\/h2>\n

To summarize, marriage means a lot of different things to me. It\u2019s interdependence, not co-dependence or<\/i> independence.<\/p>\n

\n

Interdependence: An interdependent relationship is where both partners are mutually reliant on each other. It is a safe bond where partners can rely on each other but also maintain their autonomous identity. (Source<\/a>)<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

It\u2019s a partner in all walks of life. It\u2019s not quitting when life gets tough.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s communicating to come to a mutual decision, even when that decision is a compromise for both parties.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s more than sharing a living space or the bills. It\u2019s sharing the same hardships and successes\u2014 together.<\/p>\n

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It\u2019s learning from each other, because we both still have so much to learn in life. It\u2019s growing together, not apart.<\/p>\n

How do you see marriage? If you’re not married, do you want to get married? If you are, how do you keep your marriage going strong and supportive?<\/h3>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As I am only three weeks away from getting married, I am reflecting on what marriage really means to me. When I first announced that I was getting married to my friends and family, they were a mixed of shocked and excited. 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